Chris' Web

I know this is well over due, but this past year has been a rather difficult time, and now as it's 2008. It’s also time to put all my problems in the past and look positively towards the future. Many have followed the chapters of my life since my injury, and through this web site I have tried to give you some of the reality of living with a brain injury, but please understand it’s impossible to relay what the everyday difficulties really are. Quite honestly some of it I can’t begin to explain and some of it no one wants to hear, but those of us living with brain injuries have no choice, we live it. Every brain injury is different and so is each person’s recovery, not every TBI survivors experiences are like mine. I try to offer you a candid look into my life; some of it I am embarrassed about, and some of it I’m very proud of.

As I left you at the last update I was getting ready for the 2007 DAV Winter Sports clinic, as always it was a great time. I can never say enough about this program; it offers so much support, encouragement, and opportunity, to veterans who have suffered injury or illness…..I will be attending again this year in March 2008. Shortly after returning home from Snowmass in April 2007, I participated in the World Team Sports “Face of America Ride”. This is a 110 mile cycling ride from Gettysburg Pa to Bethesda Md. Again I had a chance to challenge myself with something new and meet some amazing people. The first part of the ride I rode my hand cycle and the second day I was paired with an able bodied cyclist, Jay, and we rode a tandem bike for that leg. I finished up riding my hand cycle and riding into Bethesda physically exhausted but mentally charged. We had started out on the Gettysburg Battle Grounds of our Nation’s Civil War, and while riding beside fellow veterans from wars past and present there was a silence and feeling that can’t be explained. Over two days and 110 miles we had all traveled the back roads of some of the most beautiful areas of our Country and ended where hundreds of our newly wounded are getting medical treatment at Bethesda Naval Hospital. Needless to say I was honored to be part of this ride, and hope to do it again in 2008.

In September a fellow soldier and friend, John Barnes, had the opportunity to participate in the Constraint Induced therapy at UAB that I had gone through a few years back. John was wounded in Iraq and we had met last January when I was in Tampa VA, he suffered a penetrating TBI and had loss use of his left side, very much like I had. Our families became friends and our Mom’s shared information, which led to John going to the Taub Clinic at UAB. While John was at UAB, my Mom and I went up to visit and a PBS film crew came to interview all of us. The name of the PBS special is; The Brain Fitness Program, and it aired in December. The program uncovers many ways that, due to plasticity, the brain it can in fact improve or recover. People who suffer TBI’s are often told that what recovery you have after 2, 3, or 5 years is all you should expect, but this is not necessarily true, and The Brain Fitness Program tells the whys and how’s.

I had told you in my last update that I was volunteering at the local University and attending classes in hopes to get a Degree in Elementary Physical Education. Vigilance is a good thing, but hyper-vigilance can and does create additional anxiety, and that becomes a real problem. Last January I had been put on a mild medication to try and help reduce my anxiety, well over the months of trying to go to school that medication did not prove to be helpful. A matter of fact we’re not too sure if it was the medication or trying to attend a major University, but my life really became rather out of control. I seemed to be in a constant state of sensory overload; my mind was racing, I couldn’t sleep, was always on the go, and I was not doing what I needed to, to take care of myself. I put additional stress on myself by always comparing my inabilities to people I viewed as “normal”. September and October proved to be more than I could handle after being personally assaulted on two different occasions. Possibly it was my wrong perceptions, or low self esteem, but I had become verbally confrontational towards people who stared, laughed or talked behind my back. They didn’t understand, and I felt the need to tell them. I was trying to be like other “normal” college students and yet I wasn’t and I got beaten up! I loved working with the kids at the Movement Academy of the University, but it all became too much and I dropped out of the college. I’m once again getting professional counseling, and by the way, I’m no longer taking that medication.

In October I was invited by the Wounded Warrior Project to represent TBI disabled veterans at the FSU Duke game in Tallahassee. My brother, who is an FSU Alumni, attended it with me, and we had a great time! I got a new Jeep Commando just before going to the game and with the help of my GPS I was able to drive from Pensacola to Tallahassee by myself. It may not seem like a big deal but that was the longest I had driven, by myself, since my injury.

Just prior to Thanksgiving, my friend Joe invited me to go back packing. I had a birthday coming up so it was good timing to hit mom up for some hiking gear. I really enjoyed being out in the woods and using some of my soldier skills, while rucking and roughing it! We spent 4 days and 3 nights in the forests of Northern Alabama, we hiked around 10 miles a day then set up camp and ate leftover hurricane Ivan, MRE’s. Some bad weather was heading our way so we left a little early, unlike soldiers who have no choice but to stay and deal with the elements we headed to our dry warm homes. The end of November I headed down to Palm Beach to again meet up with the Achilles Freedom Team for the Palm Beach Marathon held on Dec 2nd. It was a GREAT weekend and a wonderful race, again!

PHYSICAL : My last visit to the doctor for Botox injections I was informed that my tone and spaticity are now minimal. Although this is conditional, based on weather and stress, I no longer need Botox on a regular basis. Cold weather still affects my increased tone so I will likely go back for injections once a year before going to Colorado skiing. There are still many things I can’t physically do, and I think you all know that running is one of them, but to look at me most people don’t even know there is anything wrong with my physical being. At times that’s part of the problem as people don’t initially see me as disabled; when I get tired I still have difficulty walking and I still have a slight stagger and imbalance in my walking, both of which can cause stares. There are times that I can’t hand someone something because my arm is shaking, and cutting steak still p’s me off, but for the most part I’m doing great physically. Mom brought up something the other day when we were talking to my counselor she said many of my emotional problems seemed to worsen as I became more physically capable. She may be right, the physical problems are something I know how to work on and when they are no longer the focus of my recovery then I have to deal with the other things and quite honestly they’re not as easy.

COGNITIVE : I’ve learned a lot about my own brain over the past years, probably more than the average person would ever want to know, but sadly knowing what’s wrong doesn’t help fix it. The only thing that does help is repetition and retraining. I know there are still many things that I have to work on, but thankfully I believe there is still hope. The PBS special discussed seven things that need to be in place, for there to be change in the brain, they call them the Seven Tenet’s of Plasticity. We figured it would be good to share these just in case there is anyone who wants to know some of the key factors in helping their brain recover. With each of the listed tenets are my comments and understanding of what each means, but if you would like to know more I suggest buying the full program from PBS. I can only hope that these may help me regain more of what I lost.

1. Change only occurs when the brain is in the mood. You must be alert and pay full attention to put your brain in the mood for change.
2. Change strengthens connection between neurons engaged at the same time. Creating a good output creates more opportunity for more good results, which results in #3.
3. Neurons that fire together wire together. The more you do something, the more the neurons connect and the brain starts to predict the outcome, and that becomes stored as memory. Sensory example: if you smell ham cooking and then you eat ham, eventually your brain knows every time it smells ham, that it’s ham!
4. Initial changes are just temporary. If you find something insignificant then the brain does also and it will not store it, but if you are fully engaged and do something over and over it becomes important and permanent.
5. Brain plasticity is a two way street and we can drive change either positively or negatively. We teach our brains habits, both good and bad. Because of the plasticity of the brain our brains are vulnerable and bad habits or behaviors can be difficult to undo.
6. Memory is crucial for learning. You can’t just think of this in verbal communication; an example would be muscle memory, thats how CI therapy works. Through plasticity, the brain has the ability to store information in our memory, but if we can’t recall it then it is difficult to use.
7. Motivation is a key factor in brain plasticity. This is probably the most important factor for those of us who have suffered a brain injury we must stay motivated towards recovery. For me, my motivation has come in many different forms, being angry or frustrated in some cases has actually been used to motivate me to get better.

Additionally they give a few tips for optimal plasticity;
· Your heart needs to be in shape; Exercise
· Training should be incremental; Do a little bit each day
· Training should be taxing systematically improving; a little bit harder each time
· Training should be interesting to engage the motivation circuits of your brain; if we’re not interested then neither is our brain!


MY DAY: My days are currently rather boring yet I'm taking this time to get my life back on track, so a lot of time is being spent on personal reflection, awareness, physical training, and learning.

EMOTIONAL: I think 2007 will go down as a changing point for me, or maybe I should call it my time of personal growth. On November 26th I turned 30, and between that and being confronted by some people that I love and respect, I’ve made the decision that it’s time to grow up. There’s a lot of talk about post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with people who have served in the Military, and I’m learning more everyday that you don’t have to serve in a combat zone to suffer from this disorder. The inability to cope, after a traumatic situation or injury, is more common than most want to admit. I’ve written about the “roller coaster ride” but I don’t think many understand how difficult a ride it really is. For me suffering the injury was the reason I have deficits, but living with those deficits daily, has been the cause of my stress. I’m learning that I can’t use that as an excuse, particularly for bad choices. So 2008 is my time to actually live what I’ve been preaching and I'm going to….."Suck it up and drive on!"

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