March 2003

I was shooting for another 3-month update but it didn’t happen, it looks like I will be trying to get this updated about every six months. Since this web site is a combination of efforts between my Mom and myself it is sometimes hard to get all the notes into the right words so all of you can understand them. Mom combines her notes then I read it, add some, scratch some out and so on. Eventually it all comes together with pictures and reflects a true picture of what my life is like, living with a brain injury.

Mom and I had a great road trip last summer. Our first stop was in Ft Bragg, I can’t tell you how great it was to see my old unit. I was once again greeted with respect and pride. My old platoon sergeant is now the First Sergeant of “BRAVO” company and he was so happy to see how well I am doing. I did not get to see my 1st Sergeant or the guys from “CHARLIE” company, as I had said before they were on deployment in Afghanistan. Most the guys from my company will be arriving home soon or already have; the next group of soldiers from the 307th will relieve them and many are heading to Iraq. We spent a couple of days visiting and I had a chance to show Mom the 82nd in action. We got an invitation to watch night operations drill, complete with a mass drop and heavy artillery. It was a demonstration of how much firepower we have to use in Afghanistan and Iraq, I will tell you we have PLENTY!

After Ft Bragg it was off to meet up with the rest of our family in Rhode Island, for a long planned week at the beach. I took some long walks on the Atlantic’s rocky shores, they are nothing like the beaches we have in Florida and walking on rocks was a big challenge for my balance. Riding the waves on a Boggy Board proved to be another challenge, but I mastered it after drinking a few gallons of the salty Atlantic and a couple nosedives into the sand. The next day we went clamming, some people use a rake but I used my hands and feet to dig them. I stayed out digging in the mud after everyone else had given up and I came back to the cabin with a load of clams for dinner! We also went out to Newport for a day. We visited the mansions and took a sailboat trip around Narragansett Bay it was allot of fun I would like to go sailing again! The time with my family was full of mixed emotions, there were times I didn’t feel like I fit in, my family really cares about me but their “helpfulness” made me feel like a child. So I tried to do the “male bonding” thing and drink a few beers with my cousins, I was quick to realize the reason it’s not good for someone with a TBI to drink, all the emotional and physical problems got exaggerated! I won’t be doing that again!

The best times I have are when people treat me like nothing ever happen to me. My cousins and I were playing a good old game of baseball when my cousin John, started horsing around, he grabbed me and threw me to the ground wrestling with me, it was GREAT! In the picture above of this wonderful wrestling match, the ugly belly isn’t mine! LOL
On the way home we spent a couple of days in DC at Walter Reed Hospital it was good to show the doctors, nurses and therapists how well I am doing. I think they were all surprised to see me, and shocked by the amount of recovery I have had, so many times they don’t get to see the results of their work. We also stopped by to visit the folks at the Fisher House, it was our home away from home for so many months and the people there seem like family.

Last summer was a full one and since then I have been back to my routine of school and working out. Last semester I took three classes, Algebra and First Aid and Injuries were for college credit and Tai Chi was for fun! I’m also happy to report that I got a “B” in Algebra and an “A” in First Aid and Injuries, not too bad huh? The current semester I’m getting into some harder stuff, Interpersonal Communications and Computer Concepts. None of it comes easy I have to spent allot of time studying, I get tired easily so I study a little bit at a time all day long. It looks like it will take 4 years for me to get my AS degree, but I will get it and who knows I may decide to go for my Bachelors degree after that!

PHYSICAL : It seems like the physical problems are extremely hard to overcome; control, balance, and co-ordination are going to be long term issues. Everything is a guessing game as to weather I’ll ever gain the abilities to do all the things I used to do. There’s times I wake up knowing I can run, then I’m proven wrong by trying, I find out my legs just don’t move when I want them to. I have no idea if I will ever be able to run again but I will keep trying! I still take long walks on the beach and work on longer, faster strides and trying to run, the sand is very forgiving and if I fall, SO what! I am determined that someday I will run again!

My overall physical being is very strong, with all the working out; I’m now able to do 150 push-ups and 120 sit-ups (on an incline I may add). Just maybe my cut body and a nice tan will get the attention of a sweetie this summer! I recently took a Tai Chi class, it seemed to help me concentrate on muscle control and balance but I always felt like I was holding the rest of the class back because of needing extra help. I continue to do some of the Tai Chi exercises but I do them at home with my back against a wall for support. Co-ordination is a big issue; a simple thing like clapping my hands takes a lot of thought. It’s amazing the things you take for granted when you can do them become so frustrating when you can’t! The “constraint induced therapy” that I told you all about really seems to have helped, I am now using my left hand and arm much more than before. I won’t say that I use it as much as I did before my injury but I will say that it no longer seems like a burden or a source of my frustration. Well that is until I try and cut meat for dinner!

VISION : I guess I have said just about everything I can about my eyes. It seems they are about as good as they are going to get. So my remedy to that is to have GREAT looking glasses!

VOICE : My voice is still very deep and most the times very hoarse, I have somewhat of a slur to my speech and most people are taken back by me when I open my mouth to talk. I’ve been accused many times over of being DRUNK! I still spend time singing, I’ll never be an American Idol but singing has helped the rhythm and speed of my speech. I’m also working on using what we call my “three foot voice” it seems the harder I push to talk loudly then the more difficult it is to understand me. By talking as if everyone is only three feet away my voice has a more natural tone. I’ve been told by people that I haven’t seen in a while that my voice and speech is much better, Mom insist that in a year or so, no one will even know that I had a problem with my voice. I don’t know if she’s right but I hope she is! Currently I am taking an interpersonal communication class I feel one area I need help in is carrying on general conversation. I have been told that I seem to only talk about my injury, most the time I really don’t know what to say. I’m really going to enjoy this class; there is a two to one ratio of women to men! Talk about some interpersonal communication! LOL

COGNITIVE : I’m realizing that most of my cognitive problems are slowly improving, at least I think they are. It’s a relearning process, a matter of teaching the brain once again to act and react properly. Sounds easy huh? I’m still very impulsive but I’m working on being able to recognize it and try to control it better. I try to be around people who understand my difficulties and are willing to give me cues when my actions are not necessarily what they should be. I have one friend, that I have known since 3rd grade he seems to accept my differences and is willing to help me with some of my age appropriate issues. I’m not saying I’m always willing to take the suggestions, but at least having a friend who knows me so well and is my age, I don’t feel like I’m being attacked.

I have been told I need to “think outside the box” it seems that most of my conversations consist of the same stuff over and over. I also have a problem with forming my own opinions I have a tendency to agree with people or follow the leader rather than make a decision that is mine. I don’t always “get” the BIG picture. This is very hard to overcome a matter of fact; I’m not too sure how to do it at all. Mom got me a book: “Panati’s Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things” it’s full of stupid trivia, but she insists that it will help open me to new conversations. She also has made a point of engaging me in religious and political conversations, I think she does it to try and make me argue, she says it’s to make me THINK!

Focusing, time management, and staying on track are also problems. Have you ever had a tune in your head that you couldn’t remember the words, but the tune was stuck in your head so deep that even when someone was talking to you, you couldn’t hear them? Some of my problems are allot like that, my thoughts kind of “drift” it’s hard to stay focused. It also seems because I have allot of free time, I feel like I have all the time in the world. This can and does cause problems with getting schoolwork done, as long as I stick to a schedule I’m ok, but as soon as I start with the “it can wait till tomorrow” I’m in trouble. I’m told this is a common problem and not just with people who have a TBI, but in my case, when I get overwhelmed everything goes to hell!

MY DAY: I’m still waking up very early and take care of my household chores, and then it’s off to school. Since the weather is so nice my poor “New” Trailblazer hasn’t gotten any rest! I did get a new set of rims though, “20 choppers” for anyone who cares. They go with the Rap music my mom hates! LOL I think I may have broken some kind of record or something, 51,000 miles in 15 months! If it’s still running when it’s paid for (3 more years) I think Chevy should give me a new one and let me do a commercial for them! I spend all my free time, going to the gym, beach, shooting pool, and trying to make new friends. My computer is still a big part of my day, spades at Yahoo and the TBI chat room, are just a few of the places in my “favorites”. My pool game has gotten much better hand eye co-ordination is obviously the key! A bit of a funny story: some people, who don’t know me, see me walking in to a pool hall and assume because of the way I walk and talk that I’m drunk or can’t shoot. Ok, this may not be the right thing to do, but I kinda use it for my advantage, during practice I will mess up royally, then when the tournament starts I whip their BUTT! Who says having a disability can’t be used to a person’s benefit! LOL

EMOTIONAL: Recently I started taking a multi-vitamin / herb combination, I’m not quite sure how it is suppose to work but I do know that I’m able to focus a little better and my emotions seem to be more in check. The past months have been a time of growing, I am more able to handle difficult situations and don’t get so upset over people’s ignorance. I still fear my future but with every accomplishment I gain more encouragement that I will succeed. I’ve been exposed to allot of new and exciting things. I’m trying to replace the things I have lost with new hobbies and sports. I’m even going to learn how to Snow Ski! My next update will include my upcoming trip in March to Aspen. I have been accepted to attend the DAV Winter Sports Clinic in Snowmass, Colorado. I can’t wait, they have all kinds of new sporting clinics scheduled, and I plan on trying EVERYTHING! I’ll be sure to enclose a link to their web site so any of you who are Vets can find out more about it. Mom has lightened up some, she seems to not hang over my shoulder as much and worry about what I’m doing. I will always know she is there for me but I try not to depend on her quite as much. I’m not too sure if I’m doing better because Mom has eased up or if Mom has eased up because I’m doing better?

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