I know this is well over due, but this
past year has been
a rather difficult time, and now as it's 2008, it’s
time to
put all my problems
in the past and look positively towards the future. Many have
followed
the chapters of my life since my injury, and through this web site I have tried to give you
some
of the
reality of living with a brain injury, but please understand
it’s impossible to
relay what the everyday difficulties really are. Quite honestly some of
it I
can’t begin to explain and some no one wants to hear, but
those of us living
with brain injuries have no choice, we live it. Every brain
injury is different
and so is each person’s recovery, not every TBI
survivors
experiences are like
mine, but I try to offer you a candid look into my life, some of it I am
embarrassed about and some of it I’m very proud
of.
As
I left you at the last update I was getting
ready for the 2007 DAV Winter Sports clinic, as always it was a great
time and
there are hundreds of pictures in the Lynch family photo album,
there’s a link
to it on the opening page. I can never say enough about this program;
it offers
so much support, encouragement, and opportunity, to veterans who have
suffered
injury or illness…..I will be attending again this year in
March 2008.
Shortly after returning
home from Snowmass in April 2007,
I participated in the World
Team Sports “Face of America
Ride”. This is
a 110 mile cycling ride from Gettysburg
Pa
to Bethesda Md.
Again I had a chance to challenge myself with something new and meet
some
amazing people. The first part of the ride I rode my hand cycle and the
second
day I was paired with an able bodied cyclist, Jay, and we rode a tandem
bike
for that leg. I finished up riding my hand cycle and riding into Bethesda
physically exhausted but mentally charged. We had started out on the
Gettysburg
Battle Grounds of our Nation’s Civil War, and while riding
beside fellow
veterans from wars past and present there was a silence and feeling
that can’t
be explained. Over two days and 110 miles we had all traveled the back
roads of
some of the most beautiful areas of our Country and ended where
hundreds of our
newly wounded are getting medical treatment at Bethesda
Naval Hospital.
Needless to say I was honored to be part of this ride, and hope to do
it again
in 2008.
In
September a fellow soldier and friend, John Barnes,
had the opportunity to participate in the Constraint Induced therapy at
UAB
that I had gone through a few years back. John was wounded in Iraq
and we had met last January when I was in Tampa
VA, he
suffered a penetrating TBI and had
loss use of his left side, very much like I had. Our families became
friends
and our Mom’s shared information, which led to John going to
the Taub Clinic at
UAB. While John was at UAB, my Mom and I went up to visit and a PBS
film crew
came to interview all of us. The name of the PBS special is; The Brain Fitness Program, and it aired
in December. The program uncovers many ways that, due to plasticity,
the brain
it can in fact improve or recover. People who suffer TBI’s
are often told that
what recovery you have after 2, 3, or 5 years is all you should expect,
but
this is not necessarily true, and The
Brain Fitness Program tells the whys and how’s.
I had
told you in my last update that I was volunteering
at the local University and attending classes in hopes to get a Degree
in
Elementary Physical Education. Vigilance is a good thing, but
hyper-vigilance
can and does create additional anxiety, and that becomes a real
problem. Last
January I had been put on a mild medication to try and help reduce my
anxiety,
well over the months of trying to go to school that medication did not
prove to
be helpful. A matter of fact we’re not too sure if it was the
medication or
trying to attend a major University, but my life really became rather
out of
control. I seemed to be in a constant state of sensory overload; my
mind was
racing, I couldn’t sleep, was always on the go, and I was not
doing what I
needed to, to take care of myself. I put additional stress on myself by
always
comparing my inabilities to people I viewed as
“normal”. September
and October proved to be more than I could
handle after being personally assaulted on two different occasions.
Possibly it
was my wrong perceptions, or low self esteem, but I had become verbally
confrontational towards people who stared, laughed or talked behind my
back. They
didn’t understand, and I felt the need to tell them. I was
trying to be like other
“normal” college students and yet I
wasn’t and I got beaten up! I loved working with the
kids at the Movement
Academy
of the University, but it
all became too much and I dropped out of the college. I’m
once again getting
professional counseling, and by the way, I’m no longer taking
that medication.
In
October I was invited by the Wounded Warrior Project
to represent TBI disabled veterans at the FSU Duke game in Tallahassee.
My brother, who is an FSU Alumni, attended it with me, and we had a
great time!
I got a new Jeep Commando just before going to the game and with the
help of my
GPS I was able to drive from Pensacola
to Tallahassee
by myself. It may
not seem like a big deal but that was the longest I had driven, by
myself,
since my injury.
Just
prior to Thanksgiving, my friend Joe invited me to
go back packing. I had a birthday coming up so it was good timing to
hit mom up
for some hiking gear. I really enjoyed being out in the woods and using
some of
my soldier skills, while rucking and roughing it! We spent 4 days and 3
nights
in the forests of Northern Alabama, we hiked around 10 miles a day then
set up
camp and ate leftover hurricane Ivan, MRE’s. Some bad weather
was heading our
way so we left a little early, unlike soldiers who have no choice but
to stay
and deal with the elements we headed to our dry warm homes.
The end of November I
headed down to Palm
Beach to again meet up with
the Achilles Freedom Team
for the Palm Beach Marathon held on Dec 2nd. It was a GREAT
weekend and a wonderful race, again!
PHYSICAL
:
My last visit to the doctor for
Botox injections I was informed that my tone and spaticity are now
minimal.
Although this is conditional, based on weather and stress, I no longer
need
Botox on a regular basis. Cold weather still affects my increased tone
so I
will likely go back for injections once a year before going to Colorado
skiing.
There
are still many things I
can’t physically do, and I think you all know that running is
one of them, but
to look at me most people don’t even know there is anything
wrong with my
physical being. At times that’s part of the problem as people
don’t initially
see me as disabled; when I get tired I still have difficulty walking
and I
still have a slight stagger and imbalance in my walking, both of which
can cause
stares. There are times that I can’t hand someone something
because my arm is
shaking, and cutting steak still p’s me off, but for the most
part I’m doing
great physically.
Mom
brought up something the
other day when we were talking to my counselor she said many of my
emotional
problems seemed to worsen as I became more physically capable. She may
be
right, the physical problems are something I know how to work on and
when they are
no longer the focus of my recovery then I have to deal with the other
things
and quite honestly they’re not as easy.
COGNITIVE
: I’ve
learned a lot about
my own brain over the past years,
probably more than the average person would ever want to know, but
sadly
knowing what’s wrong doesn’t help fix it. The only
thing that does help is
repetition and retraining. I know there are still many things that I
have to
work on, but thankfully I believe there is still hope. The PBS special
discussed seven things that need to be in place, for there to be change
in the
brain, they call them the Seven Tenet’s of Plasticity. We
figured it would be
good to share these just in case there is anyone who wants to know some
of the
key factors in helping their brain recover. With each of the listed
tenets are my comments and understanding of what each means, but if you would like to know more I suggest buying the full program from PBS. I can only hope that these may help me regain more of what I lost.
- Change only occurs when the brain
is in the mood. You
must be alert and pay full attention
to put your brain in the mood for change.
- Change strengthens connection
between neurons engaged at the same time. Creating a good output creates more
opportunity for more good results, which results in #3.
- Neurons that fire together wire
together. The
more you do something, the more
the
neurons connect and the brain starts to predict the outcome, and that
becomes
stored as memory. Sensory example: if you smell ham cooking and then
you eat
ham, eventually your brain knows every time it smells ham, that
it’s ham!
- Initial changes are just temporary. If
you find something insignificant
then
the brain does also and it will not store it, but if you are fully
engaged and
do something over and over it becomes important and permanent.
- Brain plasticity is a two way
street and we can drive change either positively or negatively. We
teach our brains habits, both
good
and bad. Because of the plasticity of the brain our brains are
vulnerable and
bad habits or behaviors can be difficult to undo.
- Memory is crucial for learning. You
can’t just think of
this in verbal
communication; an example would be muscle memory, thats how CI therapy works.
Through plasticity, the brain has the ability
to store information in our memory, but if we can’t recall it
then it is difficult
to use.
- Motivation is a key factor in brain
plasticity. This
is probably the most important
factor for those of us who have suffered a brain injury we must stay
motivated
towards recovery. For me, my motivation has come in many different
forms, being
angry or frustrated in some cases has actually been used to motivate me
to get
better.
Additionally they give a few tips
for
optimal plasticity;
· Your heart needs to be in shape;
Exercise~
· Training should be incremental; Do
a little bit each day
· Training should be taxing
systematically improving; a
little bit harder each time
· Training should be interesting to
engage the motivation
circuits of your brain; if we’re not interested then neither
is our brain!
So when it comes down to the things
I do that are not “normal”, it
seems I have to continue to work on them.
So once again; How do you stop being immature or
impulsive? How do you
learn modesty, or embarrassment? Or how do you self monitor and keep
your
self “in
check”? Well it seems the answer is you work
at it constantly,
eventually the brain will learn the right way! Or at least
I’m hoping it will~
MY DAY:
My
days are currently rather boring yet I'm taking this time to get my life back on track, so a lot of time is being spent on
personal
reflection, awareness, physical training, and learning.
EMOTIONAL:
I think 2007 will go down as a changing point for me, or maybe I should
call it my time of personal growth. On November 26th I turned 30, and
between that and being confronted by some people that I love and
respect, I’ve made the decision that it’s time to
grow up. There’s a lot of talk about post traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD) with people who have served in the Military, and
I’m learning more everyday that you don’t have to
serve in a combat zone to suffer from this disorder. The inability to
cope, after a traumatic situation or injury, is more common than most
want to admit. I’ve written about the “roller
coaster ride” but I don’t think many understand how
difficult a ride it really is. For me suffering the injury was the
reason I have deficits, but living with those deficits daily, has been
the cause of my stress. I’m learning that I can’t
use that as an excuse, particularly for bad choices. So 2008 is my time to
actually live what I’ve been
preaching and I'm going to….."Suck it up and drive
on!"
Please take the
time to Sign
my Guest book.
Thank you for
visiting and come back
again soon!
PAGE 18
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