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Well it has been 4 years, this past July 13, since I suffered my TBI and it’s been over 3 years since my Mom and I started this web site, the response we have gotten from it has been amazing. We have received emails from all over the world, many of them from families and survivors who are also dealing with the results of a TBI. The journal we have kept each day has been emotional therapy for both of us and sharing it through this web site has thankfully given others hope, understanding, and some of the reality of living with a TBI. We now try to update this site about every 6 months and there is so much that happens in that time it’s sometimes hard to put it all into words, but here we go again...........

Although I am realizing that most people don’t care what I have been through I still have the need to tell everyone.
I’m not sure what it is or why that is, I guess I’m still wanting acceptance. Funny word acceptance,
I still don’t accept a lot of the things this injury did to me, but I expect others to accept them!

Last March I was invited to speak at the “Anchor” convention in Orlando, (The Anchor club works with students to educate about brain injury prevention.) there were over 400 high school students, I told them of my story in hopes that they would see that this type of injury CAN and DOES happen. It wasn’t long ago I was their age, taking risks and thinking, “nothing will ever happen to me!” I was well received and have been invited to do more public speaking so I guess I did an OK job!

I have finished two more semesters of school since the last update, I’m managing to maintain above a 3.5 GPA, and this past semester a 4.0 and the Dean’s list! Classes have been fun and since I am studying Recreational Technology I am being exposed to sports and recreation activities that I wouldn’t have thought of for myself. One of our classes had an overnight trip that included camping and a ropes course, I was surprised at how well I was able to handle the challenge. In my future occupation I hope to show people with disabilities that they CAN be involved in sports and also show able-bodied people not to count someone out because they may have a disability!

In April I went to the DAV Winter Sports clinic in Colorado again, what a clinic! There is a link from the opening page to the pictures taken this year. I had a blast, skiing, rock climbing, snow shoeing, and I even went scuba diving! I had a nice surprise this year I was presented the “Most Congenial” award. I was quite honored, since the participants vote and decide the winner. The trophy I received was very nice, but even better than that I got a kiss from Bo Derek!

It’s hard to make the local VA and DAV understand how important it is to support this program, I’m still pretty upset that this year I wasn’t able to get any local support or sponsorship to attend the clinic, national support had to assure that veterans from current conflicts could attend but I’m afraid the local chapters see it as JUST a ski trip, it’s so much more than that! This clinic offers so much, take a look at the pictures and you’ll understand, why I can’t wait till next year.

Something very special came from this year’s event, I met a guy who lives close by and has accepted me as a real friend. Josh is more than just a friend he is helping me with my social and emotional skills. Josh suffered an accident that left him with a spinal cord injury, he has lived through allot of what I have emotionally and has made it through to the other side, when he says he understands, I know he really does. He’s all about physical training and is involved with competing. I have attended two triathlons that he has competed in since returning home from Co. and I just returned from Alaska with him, he competed in the “Sadler’s Ultra Challenge” and I volunteered on a support crew. The Ultra Challenge is a hand bike race that runs from Fairbanks to Anchorage over 6 days, 267 miles in all it’s the longest wheel chair / hand bike race on this planet! Sadler's Ultra Challenge The more I help others the better it makes me feel, plus I’m gaining more experience with adaptive sports. I’ve also gotten the VA to understand my need for a hand cycle, so maybe I’ll be able to race someday too! I have a regular bicycle but I don’t always have the right co-ordination or leg strength to be able to ride it so the hand cycle will allow me to ride and possibly be competitive. Alaska was wonderful and I met more great friends who I hope to keep in touch with. Soon there will be a link on the opening page of this site with pictures from my trip.

PHYSICAL : I think from reading all the previous pages everyone gets the picture about my physical condition. I’ve been told that running is one of the most complex things a body does, this doesn’t make me feel any better but it makes me understand that there are many little things that have to be fixed before I will be able to run again. The first is balance, since my balance is off my brain thinks I’m going to fall, which increases the tone (the second major problem). When the tone gets bad in my legs I stumble because my knees and hips don’t bend as easily. And the third is co-ordination and one of the hardest to correct, I have a hard enough time getting one side of my brain working right, to imagine I have to get BOTH sides of my brain working together………….OMG! Well, one thing at a time…
My balance is increasingly becoming better I can stand on one foot for lengths of time now without feeling like I’m falling. The key to this was focusing my eyes on something, stilling my body, and doing it anytime I had a chance. I know this was weird to other people around me because I would do it anytime I was standing in a line; at the bank, grocery store, etc…. You know what? It really doesn’t matter what other people think of it, the important thing is it’s helping my balance! I’m not too sure I will ever be able to do the things I use to do physically, but I do know little by little I’m proving there are plenty of things I CAN do!

VOICE : My speech is something I’m getting very used to, it still isn’t the way I want it and I need to once again work at improving it. That’s one of my problems, I have to decide if I’m going to just accept the way things are or if I’m going to continue to try and make them better. I’ve gotten pretty upset at the way other’s react to my voice but I’ve gotten lazy about doing the things I have to for it to sound better.

COGNITIVE : Cognitive problems never seem to disappear the key is I have to compensate for them so they’re not so apparent and hopefully over time they will get better. (There’s that word again! “TIME”) The first problem is, understanding what the problem is, then figuring out what I can do to overcome it.

I many times don’t think about the big picture, taking time to think things through just doesn’t happen automatically. I’m very impulsive still and I seem to react instead of processing a rational solution. This is when I get overloaded, everything can be going along great and then one thing can go wrong and it starts a chain reaction of chaos, the tough part is I don’t always recognize it until it’s too late. (The key here is: slow down and take it step by step, easy to say but not so easy to do!)
I seem to do well when someone helps me get organized but I have problems with organizing myself. An example of this was my trip to Alaska, I knew what I had to do to get ready for the trip but there seemed to be a lack in knowing how. Mom stepped in and helped me get everything together and then together we did an inventory list of the things I had packed. The plan was for me to check this list each morning before we got on the road so I wouldn’t forget anything. (Notice I said the plan) Day three on the road I didn’t check it and sure enough I left my cell phone at the place we had spent the night!

Sometimes my perceptions are somewhat out of whack, most the time I “get it” and then there are times my perception or understanding of something is way off. This happens mostly when I am trying to understand new information. I’ve noticed in school; sometimes the teacher is explaining something and it all sinks in and makes sense, sometimes I have to ask for explanation over and over before I get it, sometimes I never do get it. It’s like being told a joke and everyone else is laughing but you. Then on top of that everyone wants to try and explain his or her understanding of what you don’t understand.

MY DAY: Right now I’m getting get back into my school routine, school just started a couple days ago. For now my days are spent with my dogs, sports card collection , school and working out. I have quiet a massive sports card collection, originally I started collecting when I was in elementary school, the hobby has now gotten much more complex and allot more expensive but it’s great for helping with organizational and memory skills, besides that it’s fun. I work out at both the PJC Gym and the Navy’s Gym at Whiting field the gyms are very different with the kind of people that go to them, the school’s gym is pretty laid back and the Navy’s gym is full of military pride, so it depends on the mood I’m in which one I go to.

VA has finally put me into a program of education to employment so I won’t have to convince them each semester that it’s worth the VA monies to send me. I think they finally see that I am heading in the right direction and Adaptive Sports and Recreation is a good occupation for me to pursue.

Although, I had spent allot of time trying to find friends in all the wrong places, I’m learning that spending time doing things I enjoy actually brings new friends to me. I will be taking Golf as one of my classes this fall, we have a lot of golf courses close by so I hope to be adding this new sport to my daily activities, even if I’m not good at golf it should also offer me a chance to meet new people who have a common interest.

EMOTIONAL: Even after four years of dealing with the emotions of my injury, I still find it difficult to put into words. I have not always handled my emotions in the right way I’m working on recognizing the true emotion. Many times my feelings get hurt and instead of dealing with the hurt or understanding that’s what it was, it would turn from hurt to anger and from anger it’s a quick jump to rage.

I have become more content and comfortable with my life and myself, I don’t seem to always be on the defense like I had been in the past. Even my family has noticed that I’m more relaxed, used to be a simple trip to the grocery store cause me to get all uptight, which in turn drew attention to myself and made me feel like everyone was staring at me. (Because of my actions they probably were!) Now I’m able to make that trip to the store and be relaxed, I guess you could say that my actions are more “normal” and people aren’t staring so I don’t feel so uncomfortable.

I noticed in myself and I have spoke to many other TBI survivors who have also said, one thing we have in common is finding passion once again. I’m not talking about just the passion we have towards another person but the passion we develop towards life in general. In my case I loved the Army, baseball, running, etc. and I had passion and strong opinions towards things. There is something in the brain that forms our interests, loves and passions that seems to get lost after a brain injury. Finding that feeling again is tough, we seem to remember having the emotion but finding it again is something different.