page13

PHYSICAL : I still work on the physical deficits I suffer from, I am very strong and becoming more flexible but co-ordination and tone are still an issue. I had not tried swimming and I used to be able to dive and swim very well so recently Mom and I went to the pool and decided to try it out. I have NO body fat so the first problem is I can’t float, the next issue is poor co-ordination in my arms makes me swim in circles. Mom’s Solution: Use a belt float to keep me up, next I worked on rotating my arms in a swimming motion while walking across the pool, then while hanging on to the side of the pool I worked on my kicking, little by little it worked out and by the time we left that day I was able to swim two laps, with the assistance of the belt. I even took the challenge of the high dive board, it wasn’t pretty but it sure was fun! I feel that as I get stronger I may not need the belt, but for now I have to work on one thing at a time.

I went back to UAB for a re-evaluation of the “constraint induced therapy” I think they were pretty impressed how well their therapy has worked for me. I have much more control than I ever thought I would have, it’s still not perfect but I feel “time” is proving it’s point again!

Now for my big question, is there anyone out there who knows a gait or running specialist? I have tried everything to be able to run and yet it’s just not happening. Any suggestions please send them on! I’m willing to try pretty much anything to have the chance to run again. I’m not willing to give up yet!!

VOICE : Well it looks like Mom may be right again my voice seems to be almost “normal” it’s not nearly as deep or hoarse sounding. It was a matter of training myself to really think before I speak, not pushing the words out to be heard and reminding myself to talk softer has really paid off. I still have some of the slur to my speech, but if I take my time to articulate my words it’s not as noticeable. I now have to practice reading out loud this is something that really takes allot of thought, better known as multi tasking, read, think, process and talk…… talk about somthing that USED to be so simple!

COGNITIVE : Cognitive issues are the kind of thing you never think about until they are a problem; most of the time it takes someone else pointing them out to me for me to realize that they are even an issue. I’m still immature at times I haven’t quite grown into my age yet. I do try and think now about what I am going to say, it seems to be working to overcome the urge of impulsiveness. There’s still allot of other problem issues and as they disappear I’ll let you know!

MY DAY: I’m still attending school and will continue to do so, that is of course as long as the VA voc rehab people decide that it’s ok for me to continue, it seems every semester I have to prove to them that it is worth the government’s money for me to go to college, their argument is the doctors won’t state that I will be employable so their not sure college is what I should do. Oh well just more bureaucratic crap.

I have managed to continue to do well in college, I’m still taking it slow still, but little by little I’m working towards a degree. None of it comes easy I have to work very hard at keeping my thoughts in order and the pressures of deadlines doesn’t make it any easier.

From school I head to the gym for my daily work-out. Then it’s head home for the list of chores that are waiting for me and spend some time with my dogs. We adopted my brother’s black lab Cole, and I have pleasure of working with her and along with that I also got stuck with the poop scoop chore! Mom calls it THERAPY, she uses that excuse for everything!

After all the chores are done I hit the road, shoot pool or head to the beach, and continue to try and build new friendships and fill my time. I still hope to work in the recreation therapy field but I am constantly reminded of how hard it is to fill my own time, hopefully as I get more knowledge of the core classes I will learn some of the strategies to not only help others but learn myself how to fill my free time and feel content.

EMOTIONAL: Some of you may feel differently about me after reading what I am about to say, but I feel it is necessary for everyone to know what the real deal is. Reclaiming your life is not easy; it comes with learning who you are and where you fit in to the rest of the world. The problems I have had are not unique to me; they happen to many other people who have something so devastating happen to them.

I’ve gone through many changes in the past 3 years, some stages I’m not very proud of. I have spent allot of time trying to find friends that I can feel comfortable around, the problem is I haven’t found local friends my age who truly understand what I deal with and therefore I fell into a pattern of self-destruction. It seems when I tried to fit in to the “in crowd” I forgot what was important, my recovery, it was more important for me to feel a part of something. I guess somewhere I figured that if everyone thought I was drunk then why not drink? I felt it made me more socially acceptable if I was drinking and had an excuse to my walking and talking funny. WRONG!

I’m one of the lucky ones, I have a family who would not accept my behavior and made me see that I had come too far with my recovery to continue with self-destructive activities. It was put to me rather harshly, that if I continued with what I was doing, then they would no longer be able to watch and I would have to leave their home and support. The good news is, in seeing the big picture I knew they were right, I could not live the life I want to and have the future I desire if I did not get back on the right track. It’s not easy, I still want to find real friends and feel the comfort of not being so alone.
So the search continues... and so will this story it's not over with yet!!!