PHYSICAL : The many hours I spent in PT, OT were very helpful but boring, lately some of the things that have really helped me get better, have been fun! My long walks on the beach have helped my balance, shooting pool, playing catch, hitting at the batting cages and driving golf balls has increased my hand / eye co-ordination and strengthen my arms back and torso. I haven’t tried skydiving yet, but I’m planning on doing that SOON. When you get out into the real world most of the therapy you have learned needs to be useful, you have to feel like you really CAN do something. I have always been involved with sports and now being able to include them as part of my therapy seems to give me a sense of getting back some of what I’ve lost. 

My physical being seems to be getting much better, I still can’t run but it seems like I am heading in the right direction. I can now do small hops with both feet, not very far maybe 5 or 6 hops but I couldn’t do it at all a few months ago! I still have co-ordination problems when I try to hop from foot to foot my left leg just doesn’t seem to hop when my brain tells it to. Balance is still a problem at times but I’m not banging off walls quite as much as before!  The one thing that seems to affect everything is fatigue! Boy when I get tired everything goes haywire! 

I just returned from “constraint induced therapy” at the University of Alabama Birmingham. This therapy is still in the research stages for head injury patients and I was lucky enough to be part of the study. I spent 3 weeks with the program; I had to wear a “mitt” on my good hand (right) to limit its use for 90% of the day. I’m telling you that it was very frustrating! I am right handed and not being able to use it really P’d me off at times! During the therapy sessions, which lasted about 6 hours a day, I did fine motor skills and range of motion excersises with ONLY my left hand and arm. In theory by only using the affected hand the nero-transmitters increase activity in the damaged area of the brain. So far I would say that this type of therapy is a success!  My left hand has a more natural look the muscles in my hand don’t feel nearly as tight or out of control. I also had a very interesting discovery after only 4 days of therapy, I had my first dream!!!  This may not seem like a big deal but until now I hadn’t had a dream, I don’t know the reasoning but just maybe, something IS waking up in my brain! 

VISION :  I have decided that my eyes are probably as good as they are going to get. Since my last update I have noticed that when I am tired my eyes are the first to react, if I am not wearing my glasses my vision gets very blurred or distorted. Lesson here is, ALWAYS have a spare pair in the car! I try to not ware my glasses part of the time, I still believe the muscles may get stronger.  I still can’t cry, I feel like I have more control with my emotions and just maybe someday soon tears will start to pore, I’ve had other TBI friends tell me I’m lucky, they cry all the time! 

VOICE : Not too much change here, I still have to work very hard for people to understand me. The worst thing about my voice is the way people react towards me when they can’t understand. I have been called horrible things, “Mumbles” “F---ing Retard” “Stupid” and the list goes on!  I keep doing daily drills to help my voice you know all that RAP music my mother hates! LOL! Most of my family says my voice has improved so either I don’t hear that much difference or their getting used to it. I have noticed that my range of scale has gotten higher, I was told that when I can hit the high notes it means my vocal cords are stretching and becoming reactive. I have also noticed that I do have a lot more expression in my voice, and I’m finally able to really yell!  HOOAH! 
My use of vocabulary for some reason seems to be getting better, I haven’t always know the right thing to say. I didn’t always use the right words, it’s like they were stuck some where in my brain and I just couldn’t find them. I carried on conversation ok and people understood what I was saying, but I knew there were other words that seemed to fit the conversation better. I have been told those are the age appropriate words. My skills seem to be improving, at least now I feel like I’m using more intelligent words. 

COGNITIVE : It’s hard to explain cognitive problems and most of what I know is from other people telling me what’s different about me.  The more I get out in the real world, new issues surface that need work. Everyone has multiple personalities that they use to fit the setting they are in, mine are still a little jumbled, I am having to learn again the appropriate way to act in certain social settings.  Impulsiveness is still a problem, I have a tendency to say or do whatever comes to mind. This makes others around me uncomfortable and I get upset when I’m corrected. After all I am 24 years old and I don’t like being treated like a child. 

MY DAY:  Well the military alarm clock still goes off in my head at about 5:30 every morning.
It makes for a long day when you really don’t know what to do with yourself. I’ve gotten into a bit of a routine now where I get up, make my bed, feed the dog, and hit the computer for a few hours, most the time I play spades on YAHOO for a bit or chat in the TBI chat room. 
I’m sure anyone who has been following my car mileage is now wondering if the newness has worn off yet. Well the answer is NO, I went over 25,000 miles and I’m on my second set of tires, I still spend hours on the road! Everyday there is at least one trip to the beach. OH, the wonderful beach and the nice females! Then every evening it’s off to shoot pool, workout at the gym, or visit friends. Don’t let me forget therapy time, yep I still do drills for my voice, exercises for my fine motor skills, and cognitive stuff. 

With all that I do to keep myself busy I still have a problem with being bored, I seem to always be on the go and doing things, but it’s not fulfilling. I’m looking forward to returning to school and Mom and I are working on a project. We intend on doing some public speaking. We’re working on a "hands on education" program to show individuals what really could happen to you. One minute your fine and next minute you can be in a coma. Our hopes are to give students a "feel" for what it is like to suffer some of the effects of a brain injury and not to take their life for GRANTED. We have a few very innovative ideas and we both think that if someone can "feel" the effects they may get a better understanding or possibly some compassion. 

EMOTIONAL:  I've had some very rough times during the past few months there were times that everything seemed to bottle up inside and then BLOW! I’m doing much better now and I have tried to not let the reactions of others bother me the way they used to.

I have been involved with a local support group for people with brain injuries. It has been great to meet other people who don’t pass judgement based on my deficits, they do seem to understand and offer true friendship. It has also made me compare myself in a way I didn’t before. I have compared myself over and over again to what I used to be able to do before my accident, I don’t think I will ever stop doing that! But I am now finding out that there are many things that I am capable of doing that so many brain injury survivors can not. In comparison I’m one of the lucky ones! 

My Mom and I spend hours talking about the emotional and physical effects of my injury we’re constantly discussing what can be done to make my life better. 
There are times I feel like I am stuck in a glass bottle. My Mom watches every move I make. She has a need to know what I’m doing, where I’m going and then wants me talk about everything that bothers me. Then on top of that she keeps notes about everything! I understand her fears and I’m very thankful that she has been there for me. She really does understand enough to help put into words what this injury has done to me and because of that, this web site gets written!

I am getting ready to leave for my vacation, I will be leaving next week to visit my old battalion in Ft Bragg, then we’re on to Rhode Island for family vacation at the beach, and lastly a few days in Washington DC, for some show and tell! I get to show everyone how well I am doing and my Mom will be telling the bureaucrats what they should be doing!

It seems like forever since I was in Ft Bragg, I can’t wait to see everyone! Well I won’t be able to see everyone my First Sergeant is in Afghanistan with my old platoon, the men of “C” company, 307th Combat Engineers, 82nd Airborne division.