PHYSICAL: The physical things everyone can see. My walking is slower and stiff and due to loss of co-ordination and increased tone. I have not been able to run yet; this is one thing that bothers me terribly, before, my accident I could run like the wind, two miles in the low 10’s. My left arm is still slightly reflex and I have loss of my fine motor skills, as soon as I try to do things that take allot of thought my arm tightens up and makes it impossible for me to function. Because my stride is stiff and sometimes a little off balance I have been mistaken for someone who is drunk, I do not drink at all since my accident but I do enjoy going out with friends and shooting pool. People who are unknowing of my accident have told me to go home because I was to drunk to walk! I joined a gym and I workout everyday, I was tired of all the “therapy” and wanted to be involved with physical conditioning instead. I had originally thought it would be good to have a personal trainer, but they are very expensive and not covered by insurance. I walk or bicycle, most everyday, normally about two miles around our neighborhood, then I'm off to the gym for my daily workout. During my morning walks I have taken the opportunity to meet some of the neighbors that have moved in while I was gone, one new neighbor has a race car and I spend time hanging out with the guys, while they slave over keeping the car running. I also spend some time at the beach; this has proven to be real good for my balance and my gate. I walk from the soft sand to the firm sand and also in the water. The beach is also eye therapy, watching girls in bikinis is a lot more entertaining than any other eye exercise I know of! 

VISION: My eyes don't focus correctly and my right eye has lost so much vision that I now need to wear glasses. My right eye does not converge, this means that I can not go cross eyed, most would say NO BIG DEAL but it has caused a loss of depth perception at close ranges. I have more than once put the sugar on the counter instead of in the cup! 
I went to a civilian Eye specialist; it was suggested that contacts might help along with the glasses. The shape of my right eye had changed giving me astigmatism, nobody seems to know how or why, but it did!  I took the doctors advice and got the contacts and I rotate wearing them with the glasses. I can see better now. I think that my vision seems to be getting better even when I don't wear anything! I need help getting the contacts in because the loss of control of my left hand. I'm not sure how the contacts work but maybe the muscles have to work a little harder with the contacts therefore exercising my eyes, or maybe it's the “beach therapy”. I hope that over time they will improve and I can do away with the glasses and contacts.

VOICE: My voice was so affected that it is now very deep and flat, I'm not always understood. Often I get ignored in conversations because people don't want to ask me over and over to repeat what I have said.  I spend time with what has jokingly become known as “Rap” therapy. My mom learned; that music uses both sides of the brain, when there is a problem with speech it is commonly one side of the brain and sometimes compounded by other issues. Ironically singing or even humming improves the total voice, so speech improves. My choice of music is not always what anyone else wants to listen to but as long as I'm willing to sing or Rap they seem to tolerate it. It has helped in many ways, I now have a rhythm in my voice, my speech is getting faster, and I am able to hold my breath longer to support my speech. 
The big joke is: “I couldn't sing before my accident!”

FINE MOTOR SKILLS: Most of the things to do with my arm and hand take allot of repeat use the only way that my left arm and hand will get better is by forcing myself to use them. It becomes very easy to just not use my left hand and arm rather than fight with making them do what I want them to. This only causes more weakness, so it takes everyday forcing the issue of using them. Clonus (uncontrollable shaking) and tone (tensing of the muscles) are big problems, but push-ups, pull-ups, vitamins, and minerals have really helped. I spend a lot of time on the computer, playing spades at Yahoo.com, sending email (yes I'm the one sending ALL those jokes), chatting in the TBI chat room, and trying to get the hang of surfing the internet. Spending hours on the computer is great for hand eye co-ordination therapy!  I have enjoyed getting involved with collecting sports cards once again. I had not collected cards since high school and all my cards had been put up years ago, I bet there is a million of them! I have been sorting and pricing and of course with the help of Ebay.com been buying a few more! 
My one handed typing is still a little slow but I am beginning to try and use both hands. I have all kinds of hand puzzles and hand strengthening tools. I also have made things with stringing beads, this seems childish, but at least I am making something while getting therapy. There was a time I couldn't even carry a glass with my left hand, now I can with out spilling a drop! When I came home last November, I tried to shoot pool, I was real upset that because I had lost control of my left arm and hand I had also lost the ability to shoot. Well that has changed now! I was determined to get my game back, I play pool most everyday, and I am really getting back to where I was! I have entered and WON tournaments! 
 

COGNITIVE ISSUES: Although my memory is good, my speed of processing is slow so in simple conversation my brain doesn't always follow the conversation completely. Trying to listen to what others are saying and also concentrate on what I want to say doesn't always work out right. **Take a mental note: Next time your talking to someone, you will see that you are thinking of your part of the conversation as they are speaking. 
I am VERY impulsive, if something pops into my head I will say it! This has caused problems in more ways than one! My Mom has said that it's like when a child speaks out without understanding the repercussions of what they are saying. The other thing with this problem is that shortly after I have said something my brain catches up and I realize that it was the wrong thing to say, I get upset with myself that I said it at all and yet can't take it back.  Since my face doesn't always reflect what I am feeling, people don't always know how to read me. I may be very serious about something and people think I'm joking or I may be joking and they think I'm being serious. It's hard to make people understand if they have never had any contact with someone with a brain injury. Expressing or explaining myself is not easy I seem to get overly upset when someone doesn't understand what I am talking about, then I have a tendency to look, act and speak even worst. 

EMOTIONAL: All that I have listed has helped my physical health the toughest part is the emotional. There is so much that we don't know about ourselves, but when everything about your life has been ripped away, it's hard to know whom, you are or what you can do to get your self back. It's like watching yourself threw glass, you feel distant from yourself.  You know who you were but don't know how to find that person. I try not to get depressed but it's hard to go through something like this and not be upset. It's like being on a roller coaster and you can't get off! The good moments are GREAT and the bad moments are HORRIBLE! I have managed to keep a good sense of humor, not everyone understands my humor but when I can make people laugh it seems to brake the barriers of my injury. At first I was going a little crazy with all the spare time I had, boredom was a big problem. I started driving about 2 months ago, at first it was very small distances and I always had someone with me, then little by little I have gained the confidence and proven to my parents that I am able to drive on my own. This has given me more freedom to get out and do the things I enjoy; shooting pool, going to the gym, visiting friends and don't let me forget going to HOOTERS!  I do get lonely at times, most friends’ bail out because they can't understand or put up with the changes. Family tries to understand and help but they are dealing with their own hurt and don't always know what to say. I get very upset sometimes trying to explain to people that there is no explanation to the way I feel. I know that doesn't make sense but it's just the way it is. I'm pissed off I want my life back!  I spend many nights wondering what my future holds; will I ever have girlfriend again? Will I be able to handle going to college? Will the day ever come that friends and family understand me? Will I ever feel success of overcoming this injury?  These are the questions that the silence of nighttime brings. The good thing is the morning brings new light and new motivation to push on.